DA COOCHIE MONSTA

COOCHIE:  a term referencing part of the female anatomy located anterior to the rectum and posterior to the lower abdomen, between the upper thighs. It is an opening, varying in size and appearance, that is commonly used for the sexual gratification of the male species; or in the case of the female species, when stimulated by small appendages, mechanically vibrating devices, certain vegetables, cigar holders, or other assorted cylindrical-shaped objects (Yes, I used a little poetic license in crafting part of this definition, for all you plagiarism detectives).

Another one bites the dust . . .

What is up with these Conservative Family Values guys?  First, they go after President Bill Clinton in the 1990’s.  Hey, Newt Gingrich - do you recall leading the charge, after dumping your cancer-ridden first wife for some young coochie, and just prior to dumping your second wife for another newer piece of coochie?  Now days they just act contrite only AFTER they have been outed.  Senators David Vitter and John Ensign, as well as Governor Mark Sanford all come to mind - and those are just a few of the more recent Republican Bible-thumping philanderers.

What is even more incredulous is the fact that today’s Conservative Family Values guy – Republican Congressman Mark Souder (R-IN) – recorded a video with his little coochie-girl, advocating abstinence.  Oh yea, she was also on his Congressional Staff – obviously both literally and figuratively. 

So what I gleen from all of this is that abstaining from abstinence and abstaining from marital fidelity are not morally equivalent for these guys?  What great role models for our kids – eh, Sarah and Bristol Palin?

A few little nuggets of wisdom for all you moral hypocrites:

1)  A man is just a human being with two heads and only enough blood to run one of them at a time;

2)  There usually ain’t enough prayer in the world to resist the call of the sirens  (“wild coochie”).  Just ask Ulysses.  Approximately 3000 years ago, this dude had himself tied to the mast of a ship by his sailors so as not to succumb to the desires of the flesh brought on by the beckon call of these seductresses; in the process, he damn near lost his freakin’ mind trying to resist the temptation to throw caution to the wind – as in throw his sorry ass into the ocean -so he could swim to shore just to get in on some of that action.  Legend had it that it meant certain death (NO SH!T, geniuses – as in expensive and painfully public divorces?);

3)  Coochie Monsters are born, not made.  They are called men.

See you all in Hell!

P.S.  Bring your own ice.